It Takes a Thief
by Ciarrai
Summary: Megamind is realizing the Hero gig isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Struggling with boredom, responsibility, and interpersonal relationships he's uncharacteristically disinterested in a recent spree of municipal burglaries. MM/RR
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first fic, I've got an idea for continuing it, but if it's a total flop I'll probably scrap it. I'd love to hear anyone's ideas on improvements, CC always welcome. Don't have a beta, but if anyone's interested? Also, sorry if formatting is goofy, I think I did it right, but we'll seeee.

I don't own Megamind and all that jazz.

It Takes a Thief

_Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy._

_-F. Scott Fitzgerald_

"Megamind?" The individual in question shrieked, nearly jumped out of his skin, and quite successfully jumped out of his chair. The abandoned seat swirled wildly into a stack of discarded scraps of metal and scattered them across the floor with a loud crash. Megamind winced, hunching down with his spindly arms thrown over his face like he expected to be hit by a stray projectile.

"Uh-" Roxanne's expression was fluttering somewhere between horror and amazement. For a few awkward moments they stood there like that, he cowering and she gaping. He straightened abruptly, brushing imaginary dust off of his clothes and trying his hardest to not look the fool.

"Roxanne!" Megamind's smile split across his face and he looked from her to his desk and back, "I wasn't expecting you." That much was obvious. He took one eager step towards her, then held a finger up and waggled it at her, clarifying something in his head but leaving her in the dark. He spun on his heels and scuttled to the mess on the floor. Roxanne almost felt slighted, but didn't say more, half-ways worrying that another word would shatter the whole room like a pane of glass. Instead she tip-toed towards his turned back, observing his haphazard attempt at clearing the mess, quickly stuffing some things in his utility belt and piling others back in a tower.

He gave up after a moment and tossed a bolt across the floor. "What can I do for you?" He didn't look up at her, just watched the bolt roll in lazy circles before coming to a stop.

She smiled wearily, though she knew he probably couldn't tell. "Can't I just drop by to say hello?" Roxanne knew his answer, and she knew he wouldn't admit it.

"Of course you can." He replied, almost automatically. It was rehearsed, he had learned it was the response that she was hoping for. He didn't understand it, he didn't know what he was supposed to say. He didn't look at her, but he knew her smile was gone. "What's oops?"

"What's up." Roxanne corrected automatically. The correction wasn't condescending, just stating. He dealt better with facts. They had had that conversation before too. "I'm pretty good." Silence. "Listen, Megamind..." More silence. She put a hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him around to face her. He looked awkwardly apprehensive, and wouldn't meet her gaze. She sighed, admonished, "You know," she leaned forward conspiratorially, "Everyone's convinced that _I'm_ the one walking on eggshells." She kissed him on the forehead, gently, motherly, and he let out a soft huff.

"I wasn't walking on anything." Megamind blurted, finally looking up at her. "In fact, I was sitting. On a very com-for-ta-ble chair, I'll have you know."

Roxanne hummed, nodding her head in silent agreement, and looked over Megamind's shoulder at the offending vehicle of chaos. "I can see that. But that's not really what I meant." He shrugged, dismissing her turn of phrase. She found it ironic that he was so fond of punnage, but played the idiot when anyone else tried to do the same.

"I did have something to ask you though," She admitted following another silence. Megamind baulked at her, and then scowled, crossing his arms over his chest and jutting out his lower lip in vain irritation. Why didn't you just _say_ so, she knew he was thinking it, and she knew he wouldn't say it. Why did she put him through the awkwardness of trying to small talk (which she knew he hated) if she had a reason to be there all along? Because she hoped, one of these days, he'd open up again. She knew it was her fault, he had put himself out on a huge limb as Bernard, albeit a huge, disguised, limb. After her rejection he hadn't really ever opened up again. She wasn't sure what she needed to prove to him, wasn't sure that she really had anything to prove at all, other than making up for imagined wrongs. "I was in the warehou-"

"Why were you in the warehouse?" He interrupted.

Roxanne scowled, "If you'd let me finish- " She paused, eyebrow raised, offering him a moment to interject, "Okay? Okay, _as I was saying:_ I was in the warehouse, looking for jumper cables-"

"What are jumper cables?"

"Megamind!"

"Sorry! Sorry."

"I w-

"I don't think I have any of those, though."

She exhaled sharply, no shit Sherlock, I think I figured that out. Roxanne put a finger over his still open mouth, "Please let me finish." She continued, "I left the lights on in my car last night, accidentally, and my battery died. I lent my cables to my sister last month, I haven't gotten them back. _So_ I was in the warehouse looking to see if you had any." His muscles stiffened like he was preparing to speak again, she put her whole palm over his mouth. "Since you _don't_, I was wondering if you had anything else I could use to recharge my car."

She removed her hand, and awaited his response.

"Why didn't you just say so?" Not helpful, Megamind, not helpful. "Where's the car, I shall see to your drained battery iss-use immediately!" He looked around himself owlishly, searching for something in the mess. A sharp whistle made her wince, but soon after a slew of Brainbots tumbled towards the two of them, eagerly awaiting orders. "Mmmmh...You! Fetch me the portable genera-tor." He turned back to her expectantly, looking uncannily like one of his bots, waiting for instruction.

"It's at my house," She gestured over her shoulder vaguely, as if it was visible behind her.

Megamind frowned, "How did you get here if your car is at your apartment?"

"I rode my bike?"

"Oh." He cleared his throat, "Well, uh, not that I didn't love our last grand unmotorized ciclic adventure..." His explanation petered off, the last time he had been Bernard, "But I think it'll be faster if we just take the Invisible Car." Way to make it awkward.

Megamind was actually talkative on his way over to her apartment building, but it was his normal peacocking. He gushed over his current project, a device which worked as a city-wide firewall, as far as she could tell, protecting against diabolical large-scale electronic domination...and then he got distracted and blaze gleefully and obliviously down another tangent. But he was chatting, it was a start.

He popped open the hood on her car, and peered down in horror. "_This_ is what drives you around?"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with my car." Roxanne rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Except the obvious."

Megamind made a condescending tut-ing sound. He started shuffling through the hardware, and even she knew enough about vehicles to know he was no where near her battery. When she asked, he waved her off with a hand, head still buried between pipes and vents. "I could fix this right up for you," He called, his voice muffled.

"Please just jump my battery, I don't need a new car."

He finally looked up, a large grease smear across his face. He did't seem to notice, "Why not? You are looking at the most awesomely-talented, _and_ most awesomely-handsome..." He flicked a bit of grime off of his shoulder, "mechanic in all of Metrosity!"

She wasn't impressed, "Focus please."

Megamind deflated, grumbling under his breath. "Fine, but I really could make it better." Of this she had no doubt, she also had no desire to be the first victim of Pimp My Ride Megamind Remix.

After a moment of connecting cables he gestured for her to get in her car. But after a few futile attempts to bring it to life it was clear that it would require more than just a jump start. Megamind could see Roxanne sigh, though through the glass he couldn't hear it. She hauled herself back out onto the pavement, scowling at her car and closing the door a little harder than was necessary. "You know, I really wasn't planning on buying you a new battery this pay check." She was talking to the car, not Megamind, which caused him momentary confusion.

"I'm sure I have an extra battery you could use." He pointed out. More than a few of his inventions had been powered by car battery over the years. Roxanne continued frowning at her car, something in her gut gnawed at her, telling her she really shouldn't be accepting favors from the doe-eyed-former-ne'er-do-well.

"I don't know Me-"

"Oh, it's fine," He silenced her concerns with a brandish of his gloved hand. The gesture served a dual purpose and he was quickly pressing a button on his watch, "Minion?"

There were a few moments of silence before Roxanne made out a muffled response. Megamind made a face and pulled the watch down to check the time. He tapped his foot in impatience, but then another sound from the other end had him pulling the watch back up. "Yes, I'm still here." A sound from Minion responded, "Yes, I know it's a new Oprah." Another sound, "Yes, I know. Uh-huh-listen, just, nono, just a quick favor!" Roxanne couldn't help but snort, it was no wonder Megamind interrupted her. He and Minion couldn't hold a conversation without completing each other's sentences. "Would you send me a Brainbot with a battery for Miss Richie's car?" Megamind made a face, "Yes a battery with a charge would be preferable. Yes. Thank you. Yes, I'll let you get back to your show." Another moment later he pressed another button on his watch and his arm fell back to his side. "It'll be here in a little while." He explained.

Roxanne figured it wasn't worth arguing over, but she always felt a twinge of irritation when he made decisions for her. "How long is a little while?"

Megamind shrugged, "Fifteen minutes?" It depended largely on if Minion decided to wait until the next commercial break or not.

Roxanne nodded, there really wasn't much to be done in the meanwhile, unless she wanted to let him gut her car. Which she didn't. "Sooo... I haven't seen you doing much crime-fighting lately."

He shrugged again, "Haven't really needed to, the Brainbots have it covered mostly." He sounded almost disappointed. She supposed it made sense. He'd gone from a life of action and excitement to one of administration and monotony. It was ironic, he had the same problem as a hero as he did as a villain, there just wasn't anyone on the same level as he was (not including Metroman, who was beside the point).

"What about the Mapache?"

Megamind gave her an odd look.

"The Mapache? The one who's been breaking into all the Museums."

"Oh. El Mah-pah-chay." For once Megamind was correcting Roxanne's pronunciation, "It's Spanish. But I don't think he's anything to worry about." He dismissed her attempt at making conversation without a second thought.

Roxanne raised an eyebrow, "Oh, why's that hot-shot?"

Megamind grinned, taking it less as a jab and more as a compliment, "Because I've already gotten the stuff back, I just need to catch the evil-doer." He put his hands on his hips, puffing out his chest, "And people-catching is my speci-al-ity."

She poked him in the stomach, instantly deflating him, "Only when you have your precious knock-out spray." It was a little mean, but she couldn't help taking jabs at his vanity. He made a poor imitation of her harping at him, but she knew he wasn't seriously insulted.

"Well, I'll be sure not to run out then." he crossed his arms over his abused stomach and leaned back against the invisible car, making it look like like he was defying gravity. She wondered absently how many times he tried to do that and missed. If she only knew.

They found themselves fallen into in another dragged-out awkward silence one that lasted the better part of those fifteen minutes (Minion was merciful, and prompt in his sending off of the Brainbot). They talked idly, but a jab out hit too close to home, or a joke would fall on deaf ears, and one or the other would look away. The silences seemed to be occurring more and more often, and Roxanne wouldn't be surprised if one of these days everything blew up in her face. But that day wasn't today. Today her battery was resurrected, she nodded her thanks, he accepted it without question and the elephant in the room just sat there knitting and minding its own business.

_Breaking news: This is Roxanne Richie reporting live from the Metro City Bank, site of the most recent of a string of sabotage attempts and upscale burglaries in the downtown area. For the first time in nearly a year, the bank has closed its doors to the public. Officials are on the scene and appear to be rectifying the situation. No individuals are reported harmed, and the amount stolen is currently undisclosed. I am assured that there is no cause for concern, an investigation is already underway and the situation is well under control. The individual known as El Mapache has gained notoriety over the past several weeks for a number of successful robberies, most recently at the Museum of Natural History. El Mapache is currently the primary suspect in the current investigation. Anyone with information pertaining to El Mapache is urged to call the number at the bottom of the screen. Police are offering a reward for information leading to his arrest. Tune in at 10 for the latest developments. Roxanne Richie signing off-_


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks all you awesome people who commented! AlphaCentauri: I'd be interested to know what errors you found, I'd like to fix them. :) Also I'm one of those annoying people who can't stand a happy ending. No full pardon for Megamind. orz

It Takes a Thief

Judge Levi was spinning his pen between his fingers, "I suggest you wake your client, councilman." The court appointed attorney representing Megamind was wearing a ghastly brown and olive, plaid suit, it looked older than the man wearing it. He pulled nervously at his collar before jabbing Megamind in the ribs, his client flinched and dragged his heavy boots off of the table with as much obnoxious fumbling as he could humanly, or rather, alienly manage.

"I was awake," Megamind grumbled, he never opened his eyes. His elbow took the place of his footwear, half of his face squished into deformity as he rested his chin in the crook of his arm.

The judge's pen stopped twirling. "Need I remind you that the continuation of your parole hinges largely on your ability to function as a respectable member of society?" His tone told everyone in the room that it wasn't _his_ desk that the initial proposal had landed on. Megamind gave him a thumbs up. "Society includes my courtroom, look at me when I speak to you Megamind."

Megamind didn't move for a few tense seconds, but then he let out a too-loud sigh and pushed himself back in his chair to stare placidly at the judge.

"Thank you. Now, as I was saying your monitor indicated you recently activated a restricted device-" he paused for a moment to either glean meaning from the pattern of his mahogany desk, or to check a piece of paper that Megamind couldn't see. Megamind suspected the former, this whole thing was bupkis. "during unsanctioned hours without alerting your parole officer." Oh. There was the paper. The judge picked up a pile and straightened them against his desk.

"_Oooooh_, I'm supposed to get Officer Ignoramus' permission _before_ I rescue the poor wickle beebee from the burning building?" Megamind snapped his fingers like he finally remembered something of infinite importance. "I can never get that straight." The judge stared. Megamind blew him a kiss.

Megamind's attorney, the one who's name he couldn't for the life of him remember, leaned over and pleaded with him to show some restraint. They all did. And he never listened. The power to fire his representative was one of the two singular pleasures the judicial system afforded him. (The other was, of course, the wardrobe which _never_ went out of style.) Megamind's hand shot up in the air, and he waved it frantically back and forth. Judge Levi pretended to ignore him by hiding behind his papers for as long as was permitted in polite company.

"Yes?"

"We both know you're just jealous that _I_ get to be out fighting crime and saving babes and _you_ have to sit in your unsightly polyester chair and do all the paperwork. Can I go now?"

"No."

"Oh... You sure?"

"Yes. Megamind: I don't think you appreciate the gravity of the situation. You have one chance. One more chance before I sign a little piece of paper that sends you back to the Metro City Prison." He paused, eying the slim blue figure slouched before him, "And then you get to explain to all your buddies back home why you betrayed them." Megamind scowled, but didn't say anything. There really wasn't anything to say. Either he was a Hero, and would be screwed (he tried not to dwell on the multiple implications of that word) or he was a Villain and the judge was right about him never having changed to begin with.

With his audience momentarily subdued the judge continued to elaborate on Megamind's latest infraction, but even though he was subdued, said audience was hardly attentive. Megamind's thoughts (great and mighty, as they were) were elsewhere, more specifically: on the police and their impatient expectation for results. El Mapache was still at large, gleefully pillaging without reciprocity (they were by no means hesitant to remind him). Megamind wasn't sure how the police expected him to catch any criminals when his technology had a curfew. He imagined the Warden lecturing him on the virtues of 'getting your hands dirty'. He never was one for getting his hands dirty. That's why he wore gloves. If the police wanted him to do it their way, they could do the job themselves.

Megamind was torn from his thoughts when a heavy manilla folder dropped on the desk in front of him with a _swish_.

"This is the latest feedback for your project proposals." Judge Levi's eyes were working over more papers on his desk. "You forgot your budget estimates again. Don't forget quarterly audits are next month." The judge looked up, "Your vehicles are still being processed and will be available for pick up in the impound lot tomorrow. Office opens at nine." He brushed his papers aside and rose, "I look forward to seeing you next week Megamind."

Megamind hauled himself to his feet, mirroring the judge's motion, "Can't wait."

Roxanne had met Megamind at the courthouse. As part of his parole agreement all of his technology was subject to random inspection. The judge had requested he produce both his Invisible Car and his Hover Bike at their meeting. Megamind had spent a large part of the morning trying to convince Minion that no one would mind if he showed up in his mech suit as a means of transportation for after the hearing. Minion suggested he just call Roxanne. Spending time with Roxanne always made a flurry of happy warm butterflies invade Megamind's insides, he couldn't deny that, but stomping into court in his mech would have been _awesome_.

"Hey, can you turn that down?" Roxanne didn't wait for her passenger to respond, reaching for the volume control on her own. Megamind had somehow managed to program a classic rock station into her radio shortcuts without her noticing before he first pressed the button a few weeks ago. She only ever used her ipod, so she didn't really mind that he had shanghaied her stations, but she was marginally disturbed that he had snuck into her car at some point to do it.

"How'd it go?" she continued. Roxanne couldn't stand shouting over music. For a few moments Megamind didn't respond, he was scanning the contents of the folder which had been shoved at him.

"Uh, fine." He paused, attempting to read and speak at the same time, "same soap-boxing as usual." He sighed and tossed the papers to the floor, shoving them as far away from him as he could with his foot.

Roxanne glanced briefly in his direction, frowning. "I need to stop by the office quick, do you mind tagging along?"

He shook his head, "Nah, that's fine." He sounded disappointed.

"Did something happen?"

Megamind snorted, watching large buildings zoom by, "More like _didn't_ happen. They said my security grid was too invasive." He grabbed the manilla folder and waved it at her. But seeing as she was trying to keep them out of a traffic accident she couldn't make out anything more than a crumpled brown packet fluttering in the periphery of her vision.

"You knew they were going to deny it." She tried to put it delicately, but it still stank like a big fat 'I-told-you-so'.

"I know. I just hoped with all of the recent break ins they would reconsider." He huffed, pulling the folder back into his lap. "El Mapache has broken through some of the most advanced security systems in the city like they were... ADT!"

She did look over at him with that comment, eyebrows raised.

"Uh, all rights reserved?"

She would have kept staring, but her attention was required elsewhere. "Not that you would now anything about the efficiency of ADT." She prompted helpfully.

"Oh, of course," He nodded assuringly. She wasn't convinced. "But that's not the point!" He jabbed his rejection letter with a gloved finger, "I'm trying to _help_ them I'm not going to get anything accomplished if they expect me to turn on them at any moment."

Roxanne shrugged, "People remember the bad a whole lot more than the good-" She paused, her shoulder angel shoving those words right back in her face.

"Roxanne?" Megamind was looking at her strangely.

"Sorry, was just thinking. Anyway. You're going to need to do like ten times the good now to overshadow the bad from the past. It's just how people are."

"I guess." Megamind slumped in his chair, "But how am I supposed to show them that I've changed if they don't give me a chance?"

Roxanne squeezed his hand, he was acutely aware of a giddy tingling shooting up his arm at the touch. "Little things go a long way." He couldn't help but grin bashfully at her words. "Anyway, we're here. You want to come up?"

Megamind stuck a finger in his mouth and made a gagging sound, unintentional charm flying out the window. "I've had enough gawking for today."

She unbuckled and slid outside, he could only see her from the shoulders down, "Suit yourself. I'll just be a minute."

For a few moments he sat there in the oppressive quiet, fidgeting and watching people pass by. Then a little girl and her father, (or rather, who Megamind _assumed_ to be her father, it appeared for all intensive purposes that was the case), walked by. If the man had been alone, there wouldn't have been an issue, but the little girl was right at eye level, and quick to notice the vehicle's unusual occupant. She bounced up and down excitedly, pointing with one hand and grabbing her father's shirt sleeve with the other.

Distress settled in the pit of Megamind's stomach, and he slouched low, hoping they would just walk on. He wasn't surprised when his hope proved fruitless, the little girl pressed her face against the window and motioned for him to roll down the window. Her father leaned down to glance in the car. He attempted to look inconspicuous, like he was embarrassed to be peering into a strangers car (which he rightfully should be), but his curious desire to see Metro City's new hero overwhelmed any social stigma.

Megamind scowled at the little girl, shooing her away with a gesture of his hand. His scowl fell off of his face as her father glared back at him. He smiled nervously, cowering even lower in his chair. The girl's father looked disappointed, and ushered his daughter along.

When they were at a sufficient distance away, and no other pedestrians were on the approach, Megamind rushed out of the car and to the elevator. He pressed the button once. Then twice. Then in a fit of panic he continued jabbing at the unassuming button until the doors finally opened. He was in such a hurry to get in, out of eyesight that he ran right into Roxanne who was heading in the exact opposite direction.

"What-Oh-Are-It's-You-Just-Doing-You?" Neither of them were quite sure what the other said, their voices merging into gibberish.

"What are you doing?" Roxanne repeated.

Megamind cleared his throat, backing out of the elevator and offering her the exit. "I forgot I wasn't in the Invisible Car." He confessed sheepishly.

"What does that matter?"

"I was getting gawked at."

Roxanned rolled her eyes. "People are going to be looking at you, you know, it's part of the gig."

"And has nothing to do with my monumental az-oooor cranium."

"There's nothing wrong with your head, Megamind. They can't get used to it if they never see it."

Megamind huffed, following her back to her car. "What were you getting anyway?"

Roxanne held up a flash drive as she slipped back in her car. "Going to get some extra work done tonight. El Mapache is still big news. You are too. People are starting to wonder why you haven't caught him yet."

"Maybe I don't _want_ to. Everyone expects me to save the day-everyone expects me to fix everything." Megamind was waving his hands above his head in exasperation and she stared at him in suprise. "But they won't let me _do_ it." Finally his arms dropped defensively across his chest. "If everyone wants him caught so bad, maybe _they_ should find him." He looked over at Roxanne, who had yet to start the car. "I'm not a super hero. I can't see through walls, or shoot lasers out of my eyes... Without my inventions I'm just a freak."

Roxanne gaze turned sympathetic, "Megamind..."

"No. Just take me home." He looked away and rested his forehead against the window. "I was better off as a villain." He added quietly as she started the car, "At least then I was super."


End file.
